Has anyone ever asked you a question that was so illuminating in its insight that your perspective switched in the blink of an eye?
Have you found yourself seeing the solution to your friend’s dilemma but you struggle with how to share with them?
Have you seen people begin presentations with questions and wonder why the supposed expert is asking me for information?
I find myself doing my best work for others when I am asking questions. Questions are powerful! Questions aren’t advice. I’m not telling you what to do. Questions are subtle in their ability to invite you to reconsider your world. They are great tools of influence.
My discussion today is to provide you with 10 of the questions they can make yourself richer, not only in terms of financial gain, though make no mistake they help with that, but also in your personal relationships and personal fulfillment.
Question #10: “What’s happening?” “What’s going on?”
I’ve used this question whether I’m meeting old friends I haven’t seen in a while, in mediations between warring parties, or in families who are experiencing crises. This simple question is so powerful because it invites someone to tell his or her story. You’re not asking specific questions searching for the story you want to hear. You’re providing a blank canvas for another person upon which to write. They become the concert soloist and you are the fascinated audience. Is there a better way to honor another person?
Question #9: “Can I make an observation?”
In an age of rampant narcissism, where everyone feels free to blog or twitter or express any thought or opinion they have, this question actually takes the time to ask permission before expressing an opinion or thoughts. It’s a great entry into providing an admiring complement, piece of criticism or a perception. The word observation is critical, because it gives you space for retreat. You are expressing how the world appears to you at that moment, and you freely admit you might be wrong. Is there a better way to express yourself while taking care not to harm the relationship?
Question #8: “How can we make it happen?”
When faced with a new ambitious goal, it is easy to be derailed by thinking that it can’t be done. The moment we say that something is impossible we are deliberately closing off the creative centers of our most powerful tool — our brains. By asking how can we make it happen — but keeping it in the realm of possibility, we empower our brains to strategize and to imagine. Is there a better way to keep us on the road to achievement?
Question #7: “Realistically, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
It takes strength and confidence to pursue anything, but our fears can be strong in their own right. Fear serves a vital role, to warn us of danger; but fear is often irrational. Fear can often paralyze us by convincing us that the very unlikely often is likely. If you go up in a tall building, you’re unlikely to fall from it. If you speak in front of people, you’re unlikely to be the subject of ridicule. If you choose to pursue your dream, you’re unlikely to destroy everything in your life in the pursuit. Is there a better way to give yourself or others the permission to strive?
Question #6: “How much is it worth to you?”
This is the ultimate question about priorities. This question adds clarity and sometimes has some unpleasant answers. Is it more important for me to succeed or to be comfortable? Am I willing to pay the price to achieve what I want? I believe in abundance, but it’s not free. Is there a better way to show what one really values in one’s life?
Question #5: “What’s getting in the way?
Sometimes the most useful service we can provide to ourselves or to others is to identify the roadblock that keeps us from our goal. If we given name to what is getting in our way, it becomes possible to find ways around those roadblocks. Much like the fabled young girl who advised the truck driver who had become stuck under the overpass to let some air out of the tires, often a more objective observer can identify the simple things that keep us stuck. Is there a better way to slice through what clouds our lives and bring us clarity?
Question #4: “Wouldn’t it be great if…?”
This is the Dreamer’s question. This is the question that all inventors or all innovators constantly ask. If you ever wanted an idea to start a business or provided new offering in your existing business, this is the question you must ask yourself. Someone once thought, wouldn’t it be great if I could talk to a friend or family member while walking around the city. Someone once thought, wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to defecate in these cold porcelain pots on a cold morning? Someone once thought wouldn’t it be great if so many people in the world didn’t have to die from malnutrition? Is there a better way to seek ways to change the world for the better?
Question #3: “What can I do to make amends?”
It takes a huge amount of humility, strength and love to say I’m sorry. Mistakes happen. But often we discover that true character arises in the wake of a mistake. They let people down, but this question advertises the fact that you care for others and that you are willing to go the extra mile to repair the relationship and keep your word. Is there a better way to demonstrate your integrity?
Question #2: “Do you really think I care?”
If you want to be liked by everyone, be insignificant. It’s only when we try to stand up, do the bullies try to knock us down. Except the fact that some people won’t agree with you. It doesn’t matter. They have no room in your life anyway. Win! Is there a better way to tell them to, “Go to hell”?
I’ve talked about many of the questions that have brought me richness in my life. I hope you will consider using some of them going forward. I invite you to share with me some of the questions that have made your lives richer as well. But this last question is the most powerful question I have ever come across. The last question is the Friend’s Question. When someone is struggling with the burden; if a colleague is at the point of collapse toiling over a difficult assignment; if an elder is having difficulty carrying groceries up some stairs, it is a friend who says, “How can I help you with that?” If you want to build sales, ask “How can I help you with that?” If you want more friends, ask “How can I help you with that?” If you want to be known as someone who is actively making the world a better place, ask “How could I help you with that?”
I aspire to be rich — in all the wonderful facets of that word. So I close with this: friends, I have a number of talents and abilities. Many of you are people who you know may be struggling with challenges or burdens small and large or maybe they just want to do something new. To you and to them, I say with every fiber of my heart and soul, “How can I help you with that?” Is there any better way to add richness to both our lives?
