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I am sorry to say that my son sometimes gets his way when he shouldn’t.
This morning was a particularly hard day for me. It has been one of those days when my threshold for tolerating child drama is terribly low. My son is in the habit of hoarding all the toys so my daughter doesn’t have any to play with. Whenever she picks up a new toy, my son says, “Mine! Give it back!” My daughter, being a little more congenial at her age than her older brother, will often just smile and give the toy to him. But if my daughter refuses and my son is disappointed, he often throws a tantrum. Many times, I will just tell him that your sister is welcome to play with the toy and you should just go back to play with the one you had been playing with prior to you realizing that someone else was playing too. But there are days like today, when I do not want to fight with my son; and I allow my son to run roughshod over my daughter. I know it is not right. I know I am indulging my son; and, I also know that if I do this too much I am teaching my son habits which are not productive in the long term.
The world frowns on individuals or groups who work to take what others have or to use a “scorched earth” policy to share misery if they are disappointed. It is horrible to enshrine envy as a virtue, but I believe it is altogether evil to combine it with force. There are many societal phenomena occurring today that are guided by the misguided and toxic combination of envy and force. Those who believe in such notions are no better than my 2 year old boy.
Being a parent is hard work. Some days it is harder to be a parent than other days. But parenting carries the weight of enormous responsibility. My daughter has every right to play with the toys that her mother and I provided for both of my children to enjoy. My son needs to learn that lesson and soon. But when my son throws a tantrum, I, in a weak moment, am inclined to let him have his way because I want the drama to end—because it is easier. How often do our leaders give in to the special interest group over the welfare of the larger constituency simply because the leaders want the drama to go away? This is largely the strategy of these groups. They know that so many of us will behave just like my daughter who just put up with the poor behavior of others. Like exasperated parents, who are also concerned about keeping their livelihood, which is subject to the whims of public opinion, our leaders are never encouraged to do what is best. They are encouraged to do what is easy.
But we parents do not that the luxury of doing what is easy. We must be willing to draw a line in the sand—to set a standard for our kids to aspire to. Will sometimes we fail to reach that standard? Yes. That is the price of high expectations.
It is our actions as parents which either put our children on the path to prosperous adulthood or on the path of continual, embittered adolescence.
